Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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