you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
