went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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