new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
