38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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