Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
