Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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