ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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