We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
