Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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