Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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