8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
