just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
