Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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