My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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