I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
