I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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