Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
