Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
