I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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