And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
