which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You dont lie about slip and slides
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
