Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
