Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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