tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
