margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
