We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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