She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
