i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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