OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
