I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
