Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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