i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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