he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
