If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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