I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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