I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
