Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
