dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
