I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
