Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
