"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
