I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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