dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
