If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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