You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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