If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can you bring me the toilet please
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
