I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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