I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
