i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
