the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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