Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
